Greetings Fine Citizens of Azeroth,
Today I talk to you not as the leader of the most powerful organization Darkspear has ever seen. Not as a Priest that could pwn 5-10 talls without breaking a sweat. No.... today I talk to you as a.... LOVER. Since January 1st 2005 I, Healem, Fuher of the Merciless Midgets, Commander of the Short Rebellion against the Talls have been fighting. I have been fighting so hard that at times I forgot what it was that I was fighting FOR! Like any battleworn soldier I had forgot the tender feelings of a woman's touch. My ears were so accustomed to the death cries of my fallen enemies that the gentle words of a feminine voice were more than I could handle. I must regret to inform all of Darkspear that Healem became A lover not a fighter... And it was by letting my guard down in this manner that I was Defeated. Yes that is correct. For the first time since the dawn of the Midgets I Healem have been....... DEFEEATED!!!!!
It all started a day after the Merciless Midgets were doing our weekly tolling of the Redridge Bridge. I was traveling upon my mount when all of a sudden I hear a chime not related to the in-game sound in any way! What could it be? I quickly Alt-Tab and behold an ally in my guild Merciless Game Masters had sent me an E-mail.
I laugh at the pitiful 3 hour attempt to stop me and put in the GM SUSPENSION MAILBOX (185)
However something at the bottom of this E-mail appeared a little bit........ lets just say..... different.
II could not resist and felt it necessary to reply to this Game Master!
Needless to say with game like that I received a phone call almost instantly after the message was sent. It was a long day at work for Runtoh (whose real name I will not publish even though we will find out this story ends in tragedy ISN'T THAT RIGHT ROSA!) Anyways, we went on several dates until it was time for that one SPECIAL night. But after that things took a turn for the worse. The GM after having a taste of my Illusionary Rod began getting way too attached!
She would quit her shifts and leave thousands of Blizzard Customers unattended just to cruise over to my place for a booty call. It would take away from my pvp time and quickly talls were beginning to run around without fear in the lands of Azeroth. I had to do something. I attempt to break up with this GM numerous times. I even sound recorded one time. MAKE SURE TO CLICK THE STOP BUTTON AT THE TOP OF YOUR BROWSER TO KILL BACKGROUND SOUND BEFORE YOU LISTEN TO HEALEM TRYING TO BREAK UP WITH THE GM.
But alas I was in too deep. The GM had already become Clingy. Soon my house was getting filled with Blizzard paraphernalia and all my Merciless Midget posters were hung in the closet! It was too much for me so I wrote her the goodbye E-mail.
A little piece of me will always wonder what could have been if I did not send that E-mail. But then all of a sudden the next day in game a bunch of weird stuff started happening! A GM Named Eamsti was trying to destroy me. I quickly employed a little bit of reverse psychology on him!
It appears that this was the doing of Runtoh herself! WhAT HAVE I DONE. I have created----JEALOUS SUPER-BICH!
SHE CASTED SOME KIND OF SUPER POWERS SO THAT I COULD TALK AND FLIRT WITH THE FEMALES OF DARKSPEAR NO LONGER!!!! And then she used her powers to freeze me!
This called for emergency action I quickly called several of my midgets over the phone to try to get them to save me!
But it was not enough! The GM's Jealousy was too powerful even for the Merciless Midgets. It appears the MM had found their weakness! Estrogen on a Rampage! Then I get the tell.... The last tell I would ever hear.... Or at least the last series of tells. Also please not that I had to log onto a new character just to be able to talk to normal people again!
But how bad could it be my fellow darkspearians? Have I not been suspended before? How long could they possibly keep a good midget down? Three Hours, 3 Days? 7 Days? 3 Months? The MM have seen em all and we always return........But what the fearless leader of the MM had never seen before is..... DUN DUN DUN.... ACCOUNT......CLOSURE
So there you have it my friends. It was a good six month run we had..... Plenty of good times... Especially with Chipman's Mom. But it appears that the Great Healem has been defeated. Dethroned if you will. Sentenced to a lifetime of Minesweeper and MS Pinball. But fear not...........The powers of something called "The United States Dollar" will most likely save me again from what would normally be a terminal fate. I shall consult with a group of talls this weekend more DEADLY and more SINISTER than even the GM's Themselves. I shall consult with my...... Highly overpriced.....extremely devious and deceptives........LAWYERS!