PEEPOOKAKA TAMES CLAIMS AND DAMES

  Greetings Fine Pilgrims of Salem,

    One week ago I came to the fine forums to express my disgust for the damages that the White Man was doing to our fine Salem lands.  I warned you that unless drastic actions were taken things would get ugly.  Instead I was met with opposition by "ManyLetters" who photoshopped our pictures, "One with Short Fuse" who reported us to moderators, and "Ore Whore" who attempted to give us disease-ridden blankets.  The White Man will learn to table his transgressions against our people and if this last week is any indication.... This learning process will be a slow but valuable one.

  First let me introduce the Heroes of tonight's tale.  Myself, Chief PeePooKaKa on the right and one of my trusty Braves "DanceswithTumbleweeds" on the left.  DancesWithTumbleWeeds is not the sharpest wooden stick in our woven basket due to the fact that he was dropped on his head during the Character Creation Process.   As such I decided that he would be an excellent Brave to take with us on our mission to educate and sophisticate the White Man.

  As our journey began we discovered that almost each and every white man we would encounter would simply run onto the land that he so foolishly believed was his.  In many cases a simple Greeting was enough to scare the White Man away behind his impenetrable fortress of Woven Basket Walls.

  To be perfectly honest we were a bit depressed that none of The White Men we encountered seemed interested in diplomacy.  But that depression soon turned to Rage when we stumbled upon a homestead with THREE Crimes against nature in the vicinity.  A tear Ran down DancesWithTumbleWeeds cheek as he witnessed what this White Man had done to the area and we immediately noticed that Mother Nature was excited for our help as small "!" began appearing all around the camp after we taught this White Man a lesson.

  It was not long after this that we began noticing a trend!  Despite our warnings we continued to notice that an alarming # of White Man had been destroying our sacred trees!  We were left with no choice but to confiscate the items they were making with Mother Nature's Trees.  Chief PeePooKaKa would be lying if he said that the workout that followed was almost as hard as his regular chair dancing workouts he does on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  However, after several dozen boxes were confiscated the world seemed like a much better place and once again Mother Nature rewarded us with her approval via the pink "!".

  As we were wrapping up and liberating the final items from what we now know was a very angry dame she logged on and caught us in the act!

  After realizing that this player was slightly upset Chief PeePooKaKa did what Chief PeePooKaKa does best.  He engaged himself in diplomacy to solve situation!  After many kind words were exchange Chief PeePooKaKa not only feels that he comforted this player but also feels that he improved the dames spiritual well-being by getting her to contact the "dev gods".  "Dev" is apparently some superior force that White Man believes created world even though everybody knows that world was created by giant alligator that pooped world from the sky.  Silly White Man.

  Anyway Chief PeePooKaka then notice something very sad!  This Dame had fenced in a tree!  She was holding Mother Nature tree hostage against its will!  Now you all know that Chief PeePooKaka would normally never advocate the destruction of a tree but sometimes when you love something the only answer is to let it go.  Chief PeePooKaka knows that tree is in better place now and is no longer being tortured for her branches by evil White Dame.

But wait?  Why would somebody need that many branches?  Where could all those branches have gone???   OH THE HORROR!  Evil White Dame was using branches to make sick and disgusting display of Mother Natures branches in some ritualistic display!  Chief PeePooKaKa Knew what had to be done!

  Just when we thought were were done with this player we began to ask ourselves the important question.  "Why is Evil White Dame so angry all the time?".  DancesWithTumbleWeeds suggest that perhaps it is because she not been given a nice prodding with Dousing Rod in awhile but Chief PeePooKaka feel differently.  Chief PeePooKaka believe that Evil White Dame was angry because despite having beautiful mountain views she decide to build her base in nearby gully.  Native American's have talent for always finding the best lands to settle so we decide that in our final token of good faith to this player we would relocate entire base to nearby mountain so she may have nice tranquil view from her settlement.  Behold the lovely views now from all her boxes, urns, and tanning tubs!  DancingwithTumbleWeeds was so excited he begin to do pose from his favorite movie.  Needless to say entire moment was very romantic.

  With this corner of the world finished, Chief PeePooKaKa and DanceswithTumbleWeeds continued their journey.  They decide that only way to make peace with White Man will be to barter with white man!  The greed of the White Man and love of economy, trade, and capitalism will surely be the way to white man heart!  And only when Chief PeePooKaka is held dear in white man heart will they listen to my wise words.  So it was decided that next city we shall employ our world-renown negotiation tactics.

  First White Man begin demanding his Woo-Woo Wand back that we found fair and square in his chest.  But after explaining that I had used the Woo-Woo Wand in ways that they could never imagine it was negotiated that instead they would just give me their hat instead.  They agreed to give me the hat in exchange for..... well...... nothing.

Chief PeePooKaKa felt that negotiations were going well with this White Man.  I decided that perhaps I could trade for the lands that White Man base is on considering those lands belonged to Chief PeePooKaKa before White Man arrived anyway.  So I began the negotiation.

  Apparently this White Man was tuff Negotator.  After numerous extremely generous offers I was having much difficulty getting White Man to declaim his stone.

Finally Chief PeePooKaKa had it!  He remember trick he use with Young Braves in MM Tribal lands!  Given that White Man have IQ similar to that of small Brave Child he decide to see if it would work!  The "Dont Make me Count to 3" tactic.

And........... SUCCESS!

SSo there you have it.  In the last week Chief PeePooKaKa successfully place White Man's Woman in check.  He Negotiate for the declaiming of lands and a new hat for.....well..... still nothing....  And as for all the things that Chief PeePooKaka take from the White Man?  Lets just say that it is being kept safe @ Chief PeePooKaKa Base....  See you next week White Man!