Greetings Fine Citizens of Varking,

  Many people have been messaging the Merciless Midgets wondering what is it that allows us to pwn you so hard.  While the simple answer always has and always will be "Skill" another truth is that our far superior computer technology puts us at a large advantage.  How so?  Let me explain:

Just to make sure I have your attention I will illustrate my explanation via our childhood puzzle solving "Find the Difference in the Pictures" game. 

Let us first look at what you expected Vanguard to look like.  I'll just take some RANDOM fantasy image where inspiration from this game MAY have come from.

Now let us contrast that with a photo of the actual gaming experience on YOUR computer.

Now the first photo you are witnessing is how the Merciless Midgets are playing Vanguard.  A smooth, clear, and enjoyable MMO experience.  However, the second picture represents the Vanguard experience as most noobs that we pwn see it.  Notice how any HOPES of having texture in your gaming experience has gone out the window when you so innocently clicked "High Performance".  But let us take a look at other suprising obstacles your less than perfect computer is facing.

A.  Why is the halfling stranded in mid-air?  Is it perhaps that he is jumping?  Only in your dreams.  What our small friend is encountering is something called "Zoning" which has been cleverly renamed to "Chunking" in Vanguard.  Kinda how fat chicks are able to fool the occasional online dating noob with their clever use of the words "full figured".  Chunking is very much zoning with one KEY difference.  Many times before, during, and after chunking the Merciless Midgets are able to WTFPWN you.  So in the "Seamless world of Vanguard" you may run across a few "stitchings" which will inevitably spell your death.

B.  Where did the bard go?  Did they nerf it so bad that they all re-rolled?  Not quite.  This bard has merely experienced a "Vanguard Client Error" which promptly drops you from the game.  Again a side-effect of a less than futuristic computer.

C.  Are some weapons just not showing up with the low texture settings?  Perhaps the elf VOLUNTARILY decided to throw half of his gear into his bags?  You would only be so lucky if this were the case.  Instead what you will notice is that randomly (or perhaps RIGHT WHEN YOU PULL A MONSTER) with a less than adequate computer your gear will be de-equipped for you.  Think of it like a macro which will automatically cause you to lose a battle which is pressed at random intervals during your play time.

D.  You thought helmets would be included in a 3rd Generation Gaming Experience?  Obviously helmets are 4th generation technology.

So now that you understand why it is necessary to upgrade your computer let me show you how to do it.  First let us start with the #1 Common Mistake by Vanguard Users.  DO NOT.  I repeat DO NOT attempt to use any machine purchased on the normal consumer market.

While the rig you see above may be capable of running any other gaming software on the market today it is by no means ready to handle something as "next-gen" as Vanguard.  For your true Vanguard experience you will need to build your machine.  I will be conducting this section with the "No-Price-Tag Gamer" and the "Budget Builder" as well.

Step One: The TOWER:

It may be true that some computers can be housed in such a device.  But something that can run Vanguard on top settings will require much more space than any current "Tower".

No-Price-Tag-Gamer:  Rent some kind of Warehouse space for the soon to be home of your Vanguard ready computer

Budget Builder:  Invite some of your guildies over and have them help you put up a tarp outside your house.

Step Two: The Power :

Typically when you build a computer you can get away with a 300-500watt power supply but given that nobody truly knows the limits of Vanguard, as nobody is able to actually run at optimal performance we recommend going a little heavier "just in case"

No-Price-Tag-Gamer:  Construct some kind of nuclear power source to power your Vanguard machine.

Budget Builder:  Run an Extension Cord from your tarp into your car.

Then drive this cord all the way to your neighbors brick house.  Remove a brick, expose wiring, and begin gaming.  Once caught repeat the previous 2 steps for all houses on your street until arrested.

Step Three: The Hardware:

While both Dual Core and Quad Core processors are proving to redefine the benchmarks for PC's it appears that Vanguard cares little of this technological advancement.  Instead you will need to be a little more creative in your Endeavour.

No-Price-Tag-Gamer:  Purchase technology used for space stations.

Budget Builder:  Visit your local grocery store and attempt to freeze yourself until hardware technology advances to the level Vanguard Requires.

Well there you have it people.  Once you complete this you will finally be able to game with the best of us.  Until then good luck trying to win a battle against the Merciless Midgets!